


why do they keep multiplying?

by ココダ - coco (arurun)



Series: dad I swear it's not my fault but [1]
Category: One Piece
Genre: ASL Brothers, Accidental Baby Acquisition, Alternate Canon, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bad Parenting, Gen, Parenthood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:00:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24007006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arurun/pseuds/%E3%82%B3%E3%82%B3%E3%83%80%20-%20coco
Summary: Where’s the best place to stash the son of the devil?Loto is a retired marine turned bounty hunter, and: “no, no, NO. I am NOT taking care of your grandkid! Garp for fuck’s sake, NO!”In which OC replaces Dadan.
Series: dad I swear it's not my fault but [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1731370
Comments: 13
Kudos: 546





	why do they keep multiplying?

**Author's Note:**

> I love Dadan, but this series is about this OC going on accidentally adopting all the problem kids in the world by accident, and when they grow up, they all cry to him for help because he spoiled them too much.

Loto stares at the baby in his arms, not too sure what he’s supposed to do with it.

“Let me get this straight,” he says, staring the Marine Vice Admiral in the eye. “You visit me for the first time in shit, and you hand me a baby, and you tell me that this is Roger’s kid, and I’m supposed to raise him.”

He wants to chuck this baby off the mountain already.

“Yeah,” Garp has the gall to grin.

Loto chews on the pipe in his mouth. 

“First of all, what the fuck?”

-

Loto has survived a lot of things. 

Getting eaten by a sea king, being trained under Garp, being stabbed, being shot, being impaled through the stomach and going comatose for a few months-- oh hey, he gets stabbed a lot, maybe that’s a trend.

He’s removed from active duty at a way-too-young age of thirty, but no one complains. The hole in his stomach earns him the right to be on perpetual standby.

So he settled in Garp’s hometown, because Garp said the mountains here were nice. 

And they  _ were _ nice. He had a little hut in the forest and everything, away from the city and human interaction and plenty of greenery to enjoy.

So what the fuck is this?

“So much for my nice post-retirement life,” he mutters, feeling a few times older than he is. Maybe interacting with Garp just makes you feel older like this.

“Oh c’mon, you’re still twenty.”

“I’m thirty-fucking-two.”

“I remember when you were just thiiiiis tiny and--”

“Oh shut up, shut up! I don’t want to hear it!”

-

Ace is like a cat.

Cute, cuddly, and has the unfortunate tendency to leave dead bodies on your doormat.

Loto entirely decides to ignore the boar at his doorstep, and marches straight toward his three-year old son.

He picks him up, sitting the boy carefully in his lap, cupping the boy’s face and trying to figure out if any of these scratches are gonna kill him. 

Ace looks back up at him, curious.

Loto pats him on the head.

Now what is he supposed to do with this boar…

-

Every once in a while, Loto does have to put on his white coat and go out to sea, just to knock a few kids down the wall for causing too much trouble.

When that happens, he brings Ace with him.

The fishing boat is small, but there's plenty of space for Ace to run about the climb the mast as jungle practice. Turns out, Ace loves the sea just as much as his biological father probably did.

Loto figures that if Garp didn’t trust him with a kid out at sea, he shouldn’t have brought the kid to him in the first place.

-

“ _ Bad-luck Roulette _ takes down a pirate crew worth fifty million beri, and he can do it while holding a baby in one arm,” Woop Slap reads the newspaper headline to him with a sarcastic lilt, his gaze too many shades of utter disapproval.

Loto serves him a cup of tea, a hand placed on little Ace curled up in his lap.

“Y’know, I really have a lot to say about that stupid epithet,” Loto diverts the topic, “they couldn’t come up with something less ominous sounding? I’m a marine, for god’s sake.”

“You’re more a bounty hunter than anything else right now.”

“Still.”

Woop Slap continues to glare at him. Loto sighs.

Okay, maybe murder and battle isn’t the ideal place to bring a kid into. 

Being on an island and killing animals is one thing, taking down a band of pirates with a kid at your chest is another. Loto sort of understood the concern.

“Okay,” he concedes, “next time I’m commissioned out, I’ll send Ace down to Fuusha and you take care of him, alright?”

Woop Slap huffs. “Good.”

-

Bad.

Very bad.

-

He comes home, entering through Fuusha to pick up Ace on the way-- and Ace has a bundle in his arms.

“Dad, Dad!” he comes, running with that precious cargo in his hands and he can see the entire village straighten and converge in panic when Ace trips.

Loto catches them. Both of them.

One too many.

“Look, this is Luffy!” Ace says, and he’s sparkling with interest at the aspect of a human smaller than him. “He’s Makino’s!”

He’s  _ what _ ?

Loto has the little bundle in his arms now. He’s just as small as Ace had been when he first got him… but oh he’s so much cuter. What the hell happened to Ace?

“Actually, he’s Dragon’s,” Makino gently corrects, and judging by the voice, it’s not the first time she’s had to correct him. “But he’s under my care.”

Wow, favoritism much, Garp? You send this cutie patootie to the pretty lady but you send the freckle feral child to me?

Ace runs over to Fuusha a lot more often now, and Loto honestly doesn’t care as long as the kid doesn’t kill himself.

-

“MAKINO OH MY GOD HAVE YOU SEEN--”

“Yes, Ace is down here in the bar.”

-

“Ace, how old are you again?” 

“Five!”

Luffy is big enough to wander by himself, so every once in a while, he comes over to sleep and Loto finds himself with an extra stomach to feed and an extra body beside him on the bed.

He and Makino juggle the days to take care of the kids.

He’s not too sure how this became his life, but well, this is his life now.

-

Luffy is… well. Loto isn’t sure what to say. 

He started bouncing around the house at some point and he hasn't stopped bouncing yet. 

Ace is eager to show him around (Ace, Luffy isn’t allowed in the forest until he’s five!) and though the hut isn’t that big, they manage to explore for hours. 

Don’t ask. Loto doesn’t know either.

All he knows is that Garp is exceptionally pissed when he finds the kid in the hut instead of the bar, and now Loto is officially in charge of two kids.

“Maybe I’ll make the news as the guy that can kick down a band of pirates with  _ two _ babies in my arms!”

“Don’t you fucking  _ dare _ .”

-

The next time Loto goes out for a while, he comes back to kid number three.

“Dad, this is Sabo!” Luffy is five and he’s barely able to pronounce his Bs and Zs, but he’s latching onto the blonde with such eagerness Loto could kind of guess anyways.

“He’s ours now!” Ace declares, like that’s a perfectly normal thing to do.

Loto looks at Sabo. That’s a pretty extravagant set of clothing, though they’re worn and slightly muddy. He even has the cravat and everything.

Sabo tenses, then looking pale as a sheet, he bows. “N-n-n-nice to meet you sir! Uh! I am! My name is uh, Sabo, and--”

“Anyways!” Luffy cheerfully interrupts, “we’re going to explore the Cannibal, so bye bye Daddy!”

“It’s the  _ Terminal _ !” Sabo sharply corrects.

And they bounce right out and away, like a whirlwind of new revelations. Loto is still trying to process the situation, give him a second or two. Or better yet, throw him in the sea and let him drown. Please. 

“Holy crap, they’re multiplying,” he says first to Makino, breathless. “How the fuck are they doing that?”

Makino chuckles. 

Woop Slap looks slightly mirthful, “I’m not sure, probably through mitosis or something.”


End file.
